Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
