38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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