I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
