I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How does one acquire holy water?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
