This girl is more easily done than said...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
