ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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