Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
