I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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