I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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