I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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