My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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