Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO