remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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