Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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