there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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