i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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