remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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