I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
