I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
