i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
