thus making me awesome and them whores
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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