i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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