remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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