FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
