i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I want to have your abortion
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i would punch a child for taco bell
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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