why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
