his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
