There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
