I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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