I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
did i walk over a car last night?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
