It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
