My sheets look like a crime scene.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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