Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
