do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
