Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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