he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When are your genitals available?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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