R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
