your parents love me but you hate me
Come see our sink grown plant.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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