...so i touched it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
