So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
