There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
