guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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