Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
