Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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