yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
