you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
