maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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