It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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