she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
