That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
