I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
