I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
