Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
