Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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