yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
