omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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