The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
