Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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