why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
