What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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