just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
