You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
