i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
