If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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