im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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