All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
