I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
