You can't special order awesome
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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