You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
