one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Houston, we have a blender
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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