soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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