Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
