Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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