do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
